Mental Path to a Happy Life
Several variations of our approach to different matters can change our lives in business and social encounters dramatically!
Clarity, self-awareness, being in the now are all great mental states! Once we are in one of them, we are transformed, supercharged with focus and our abilities to achieve is just multiplied 10 times.
I am sure you probably agree with me on this fact and with a little convincing on my side, I might be able to talk you into committing to achieve a lifestyle that is full of these states in your life!, however, I am also sure that you will be a little less committed to our great agreement once you start changing the next full diaper of your newborn or if you had to work 16 hours on a particular day!
It is a fact that we live a very busy life that leaves us so much little time to purely dedicate it to ourselves, we run from here and there day in, day out and once a small window of time shows up, it brings with it a long queue of ready customers to take it! An overdue phone call or visit or anything of that sort taking away this extra time. So our smelly friend, Mr. Diapers isn't specifically the issue here or the long working hours or any other responsibility of ours for that matter.
Transformation is a natural process and is the expected result of living our lives and going through experiences, tests, and challenges! It is who we are and what we evolve to become. I quote "Sooner or later...one has to take sides. If one is to remain human." ― Graham Greene, the Quiet American. Our identities keep transforming and evolving every day till we leave it is an ongoing process.
The concern is the random unguided and unguided transformation of our identities due to the patterns of the lifestyle we live and how being on the run most of the time make us unaware of the transformation happening and our priorities and principles are changing and eventually our identities.
It is a common incident to run into an old friend accidentally after several years of no contact and to realize within few seconds down the conversation you don't know this person anymore! It feels like if someone else is living in his or her body. You see a totally different identity there with nothing left from the old friend! I almost asked him "what did you do to my friend?"
This is the effect of transformation during the years; once we see the total accumulation of it can be huge. It changes people gradually to have nothing left from what they used to be and again this is not a bad thing it is just a powerful force and works way faster than we anticipate.
After running into that friend, I spent the rest of that day feeling as If witnessed his death. He didn't exist anymore to me and the strangest part is that he knew all about it too.
To me, it wasn't the change that touched me the most, but the fact that my friend didn't choose this change and if he had to choose then he would have chosen differently actually it was just way to quick for him to realize it, it was as if he slept and then woke up to find himself like that.
The experience felt like being between different dimensions at the same time, I witnessed life and death in front of me together, it is paralyzing to the mind and you just don't know which of the two dimensions is home, you can't know what is real and what is not for a moment, and then everything seems so new to you as if you see it for the first time ever.
You desperately start to look for a reference from your old life, something to bring solid ground beneath of you as you see new things in people, things you've never seen before! You see their age, you see their stories, and you see more than just their names.
A person really starts to see other people at a different level, and you slow down a little and start considering those new discoveries in your life.
Despite how frightening it is to suddenly wake up in a different place from where you slept, the experience reveals discoveries so valuable they change our perspective and bring a fine balance in a complex way to our lives as we start appreciating different areas in our lives in an appropriate and new way.
Transformation is very powerful we and I believe in it as a natural process too but we need to realize the necessity to consciously recognize the change process in ourselves and keep an eye on what we are transforming into. This is the function of the 30 minutes Magic pill I promised.
After going through the experience, I was truly scared of jugging forward through life without a clear vision and understanding of where I am and where I want to go and what I want to be. I needed a reality check to tell me the truth about everything and I couldn't take chances that I wake up one morning and not recognize myself in the mirror.
Months afterward, I noticed a change in my approach towards a particular type of emotions. The type of emotions that stayed active and persistent after a certain encounter. My new approach made me more receiving to those emotions with curiosity and openness to understand.
In simple words, if I felt an emotion of unease hanging within for a longer period than It supposed to then I realized it is a signal from my unconscious alerting me to information related to this emotion that I need to acknowledge, process and maybe take action.
Every human being has a set of values and beliefs within him and navigates in life according to those values. Therefore, for an emotion to prolong for more than its natural course then one or more of the values or beliefs within us has been either violated or met dramatically!
For example, if I am not settled on a conversation with a friend with a feeling of unease continue to swim in my space for a longer than it is usually then this is an emotion I need to attend to. Similarly, If a feeling of joy persisted for a couple of days after a dinner with someone then this is another emotion I have to attend to. So what is attending to an emotion mean?
Attending an emotion is a process through which I examine the emotion to identify its nature and then identify the root cause and identify why it needs my acknowledgment and what it has to say to me!
Usually, the outcome is one of three, either an identification of a incompetence in an area of priority according to my belief system and accordingly causing an insecurity or an adjustment to the belief system is required by modifying, deleting or adding and lastly, it can be new information I need to know and acknowledge.
So I start by identifying this emotion, is it guilt? Or maybe it's an emotion of satisfaction, a loss maybe? Or jealousy? Whatever the type of the emotions is, it needs to be identified and once it that happens, I search for the root cause of it.
Identifying a root cause of an emotion is the core of this process; therefore, it has to be with complete honesty and objectivity. Remember this is a discussion on a table where only myself and I present, so there's no one else there I need to defend myself in front of like the society, friends or a partner!
But nevertheless, the presence of the self only does not make it any easier, in fact, it's just harder, it's the moment of truth where we need to sum up all the courage we have and confront ourselves with the truth.
Was I jealous? Was I dishonest? Did I lie to get away with something? Did I manipulate the situation to my benefit? Was I a coward and could not defend myself? what is the truth about the situation that created the emotion?, Maybe I am hanging to a belief that I don't identify with or maybe I am feeling guilty to take my stress I generate at work out on my family or maybe it's an emotion of happiness caused by a caring friend.
So every week dedicate 30 minutes to relax in a comfortable environment with the minimum amount of distraction. Relax and breathe and be receptive and wait for.
Situations, ideas, and many things will start almost immediately show up to you. Examine those situations that led to creating those emotions and see how those emotions were generated; you will access information about yourself and your life, acknowledge this information and then decide what you want to do about it.
Those 30 minutes a week are a guarantee that you will be in touch with who you really are, where you have struggles in your life and the reasons behind the struggle. As well you will be able to make decisions based on beliefs and you will be able to develop your belief system to become a better human in your own eyes.